Dr Who?

I sat down and watched the first of the new series of Dr Who this morning - Peter Capaldi was excellent, sharp and moody, distinctly darker than the previous two doctors and creating a blend akin to a cocktail of the best bits of William Hartnell mixed with Peter Cushing and a tad of Tom Baker - I loved...but it made me sad too...

Since 2005 when Christopher Eccleston materialized back onto our screens the return of Dr Who signalled the beginning of autumn and the descent into the long, cold, dark winter nights...it was a time when Saturday evenings were inviolate, 'Do Not Disturb' may as well have been written in letters a foot high on the living room door...for it was my time with Rhiannon...we'd grab our favourite blanket and curl up together on the sofa and watch Dr Who...she could still see when Dr Who was first relaunched and I took great delight in pretending to be scared along with her, tickling her to lighten the mood if things got a little bit too frightening...she was only 5 after all....

Now those moments are gone, with it another reminder that there is a hole in my heart, it will never heal...oh I'll function better and be able to put more of a brave face on but it still hurts...every day...there will always be reminders that she has gone...I just have to learn to deal with them for she'll never be back...the hurt will never go away...

But one thing Rhiannon taught is to make the most of everything, use every breath, every emotion, waste nothing...so the hurt and pain are turned inwards...focused into my drive to complete this and every other fundraising event I can for her...to honour her courage and bravery...even in the face of her last minutes on this Earth she was still strong and brave...still teaching us how to be better people...

God I miss her